The Life of a Showgirl Release Has Altered My Brain Chemistry and Now That’s Your Problem, Too
Happy Taylor Swift Week! For those of you who have spent these last few days celebrating, I’m sure you’ll agree that the time leading up to a new album release is as excruciating as it is baffling, and the aftermath of a release is no less mystifying. If you’re not a Swiftie (and honestly, that may be best for your mental health), then you may not realize that fans have been poring over Taylor’s every move, post, and appearance ever since she announced her twelfth album, The Life of a Showgirl. And now that it’s out, we can all take a break!
HA! No! We cannot! We must continue to search for easter eggs in a never-ending hunt leading down a spiraling path towards obsession, derangement, and parasocial delusion. We’re talking body language analysis, breakdowns of past interview comments, and squinting at the color of nail polish she’s wearing in a Target commercial as a means of determining whether Taylor is releasing the vault tracks for Reputation.
It’s all very stressful, even as I uphold my sacred duty to be wildly over-invested in the theories of random commenters arguing about the significance of an orange door on stage during the last show of the Eras tour.
In honor of the season, we’re going to take a break from the continued analysis of every single new track and associated stress-sweating to do something productive… like learning which toothbrush you would be if you woke up to find yourself magically transformed into one, based entirely on which Taylor Swift album is your favorite.
✨ I really can make anything about dentistry or Taylor. It’s a gift.✨
Table of Contents
💚Debut Era – Classic Manual Toothbrush
Well, look at you! You’re sweet, simple, and a little bit country, y’all. You get the job done without all the bells and whistles, and that’s part of your charm. You believe in routine, tradition, and singing to yourself in the mirror while brushing.
How You Should Celebrate Release Week:
Make your entire staff talk in a twangy Southern accent all day, even if you’re in New Jersey. Add a cowboy hat and boots to your scrubs and rename your waiting room to the “Honky-Tonk Smile Lounge.”
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💛Fearless – Sparkly Soft Bristle Toothbrush
You’re the Disney princess of dental care: soft, whimsical, and more than a little bit magical. Every brushstroke feels like twirling through a ballroom in a golden dress. You believe in happily-ever-afters, glittery romance, and maybe even love at first floss.
How You Should Celebrate Release Week:
Bedazzle every single toothbrush in the office with rhinestones. Patients can’t brush with them, but they’ll look really good in your Instagram stories.
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💜Speak Now – Musical Kids’ Toothbrush
You’re dramatic and a little bit extra, but that’s okay. In fact, it’s encouraged. Sure, you’re loud and you thrive on big gestures (crash a wedding? LET ME GRAB MY GUITAR), but you execute with iconic energy. You probably know which Taylor Swift song is exactly two minutes long and sing it to yourself while you brush.
How You Should Celebrate Release Week:
Encourage patients to tell you all about their worst breakups mid-cleaning. Give every patient a detailed revenge plan with their treatment plan.
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❤️Red – Vibrating Battery-Powered Toothbrush
Passionate. Chaotic. Possibly too intense at 7 a.m. You’ve got strong opinions about floss and you may be going through a transitional phase in your dental care routine. Growing up means switching from country to pop, or in your case, dabbling in electricity without fully committing yet.
How You Should Celebrate Release Week:
Make everyone wear heart-shaped sunglasses and fedoras. Loudly diss Jake Gyllenhaal in the hallways between patients. Pretend to be devastated.
🩵1989 – Sleek Electric Toothbrush with Bluetooth Connectivity
You’re polished, tech-savvy, and always dressed in aesthetic neutrals. You’re a city toothbrush with clean lines, a defined brand, and a powerhouse array of dental bangers delivered over and over. Seriously, patients can’t get enough.
How You Should Celebrate Release Week:
Replace the waiting room music with “Shake It Off” on a loop. Use neon lights instead of an LED overhead light during exams. Take a polaroid photo of every patient and sign it with their birth year.
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🖤Reputation – Black Matte Charcoal Toothbrush
You’re bold and dangerous you just might bite back if a patient gets a little too friendly with your fingers. You’ve got edge and confidence and you don’t care what the haters say. Sure, charcoal can be abrasive, but SO CAN REVENGE.
How You Should Celebrate Release Week:
Get a Taylor Swift face tattoo. DO IT, YOU COWARD. Have your dental receptionist answer the phone with “We’re sorry, the old Dr. Smith can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh! ‘Cause he’s DEAD.”
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🩷Lover – Pastel Rainbow Toothbrush
You’re dreamy and unapologetically soft. You believe love is real and if your glasses aren’t rose-colored, your toothpaste sure is. You probably choose cotton candy-flavored fluoride at your own dental cleanings.
How You Should Celebrate Release Week:
Make your staff sing duets throughout the day. Dye your hair pink. Throw glitter in the air if a patient is cavity-free and declare your true love for them.
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🩶Folklore – Bamboo Eco-Friendly Toothbrush
Soft-spoken but deep, you’re brushing in a candlelit bathroom in a cabin in the woods, thinking about your childhood dog and like, lakes or something. Brushing your teeth inspires you to write poetry.
How You Should Celebrate Release Week:
Dim all the lights in the office. Have your most musically-gifted employee play only acoustic covers of Taylor songs on repeat. Wear a cardigan over your scrubs.
🤎Evermore – Travel Toothbrush You Keep Just In Case
You’re thoughtful, quiet, and wildly underrated. You know how you use your travel toothbrush and realize your regular one is past its use date, because this new travel version feels way better? Yeah. That’s you. It’s not fair, but it just adds to the emotional gravitas.
How You Should Celebrate Release Week:
Scatter pinecones around the office, hang up fairy lights, and light candles. Every time a patient gets dental work and sits up to leave, push them back down and shout, “Surprise! You’re not done, time for part two!” then give them another filling.
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💙Midnights – High-End Sonic toothbrush with 5 Brushing Modes
Glamorous, mysterious, and definitely expensive. If you were a toothbrush, you’d vibrate at 40,000 strokes per minute and have several custom brush heads for every situation… maybe more than any one person actually needs, but they’re all good.
How You Should Celebrate Release Week:
Buy a fog machine and fill your office with lavender-tinted lamps so that your patients can experience the Lavender Haze. Only offer appointments from midnight until dawn.
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🤍The Tortured Poets Department – A Quill Pen
Listen, this is not a toothbrush and you will get horrible dental decay if you keep trying to use a feather quill pen to clean your teeth. But also, the aesthetics of it all. I mean, I get it.
How You Should Celebrate Release Week:
Serve black coffee in the waiting room and replace every writing implement in the office with fountain pens, including notes taken on the computer. Embrace the ennui.
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🧡The Life of a Showgirl – Giant Novelty Toothbrush
Who needs function when you’ve got pizazz? That’s showbiz, baby. I mean, it’s not dental care, but so what? You’re all about the wow factor, the razzle dazzle, the choreographed drama of it all. You’re the main character of the bathroom. Always.
How You Should Celebrate Release Week:
Transform your dental office into a Vegas showgirl revue. Feather boas for the front desk, rhinestone headdresses for the hygienists, and mandatory jazz hands during every fluoride treatment.
Brush It Off, Brush It Off
So, there you have it. Twelve eras, twelve completely accurate personality assessments, and a genius plan for transforming your dental practice into your very own stadium tour-worthy venue. Twirl your floss like a microphone cord. Forget your bad back and try a few high kicks in the choreography. Make a few friendship bracelets with those little colorful rubber bands you’re supposed to use for braces.
If you celebrated in your office, post about it on social media and don’t forget to tag My Social Practice! To the dismay of many and the surprise of none, I’m always trying to bring a little more Swift to my coworkers. Until next time! ✨
Want to read more fun stuff? Check these out:
The Tortured Dentists Department: Dentist Social Media Ideas For Your Inner Swiftie
Our Writer Re-Imagined 10 Iconic Movie Posters to Feature Dentistry, and No One Is Totally Sure Why
What if Characters from The Office Built Dental Websites? (I Was Left Unsupervised and Found Out)
Our Writer Tries Dental Logo Design for Famous Brands and You Won’t Believe the Results!!
TV and Film’s Sexiest Dentists Ranked by Very Qualified Experts
FAQ of a Showgirl
Which album is your favorite?
I could sooner choose a favorite child, dear reader. But it’s Folklore.
Are these suggestions safe?
Maybe, maybe not. Listen, I’m not your mom, I can’t make you light a hundred candles in your waiting room and join hands with your patients to spin around in a forest-inspired sing along. I’m just saying it would be awesome.
What if I don't like Taylor Swift?
That’s alright. Baffling, but alright. From a purely professional dental marketing perspective, all I can say is it’s never a bad idea to follow the trend, doc. *Wink wink.*
When is Taylor going to release the Reputation vault tracks?
I don’t know but as soon as Taylor answers my 74 tweets I’ll report back. Aaaaany minute now.
About the Author: Megan Nielsen is an SEO strategist and the Grand Overlord of copywriting at My Social Practice. My Social Practice is a dental marketing company that offers a full suite of dental marketing services to thousands of dental practices throughout the United States and Canada.
