The Office Dental Websites. That’s It, That’s The Joke.
At My Social Practice, we pride ourselves on crafting beautiful, functional dental websites that turn visitors into patients. But just for fun and whimsy…what if we didn’t?
What if, instead of relying on our team of experienced dental marketers and designers, we were just coming off of a week-long marathon of the hit NBC sitcom The Office and started wondering what kind of dental website Michael Scott might design? What if we all set aside our various job responsibilities to work on a very specific, very funny project specifically made to entertain our writer?
As the Grand Overlord of Copywriting here at My Social Practice, I decided to present the above pitch to our website team and I’m disappointed but not surprised to report that they said no. No one ever does what I want to do, but because I am used to the trials and tribulations inherent in the creation of true art, I don’t blame anyone. Except for society.
Undeterred by the crushing weight of corporate realism, I did what any visionary would do: I made it anyway. With nothing but my keyboard, an unshakable belief in myself, and a disturbing amount of character knowledge from a sitcom that ended over a decade ago, I created these dental websites as designed by the cast of The Office. Do they make sense? No. Are they helpful? Also no. But are they deeply important to me on a personal level? Yes, very much so.
The Office Dental Websites: Table of Contents
Michael Scott
Michael’s dental website is a celebration of cringe-forward confidence. Loud, kind of confusing, and desperate to impress. He uses a lot of gifs and inspirational quotes that have very little, if anything, to do with dentistry.
The color palette is a corporate-looking blue that reminds Michael of his tie collection, bright red to catch attention, and gold to “make it look rich.” He uses Comic Sans as his primary font because he thinks it feels friendly, and Papyrus to add some class.
Michael writes his own testimonials under fake names and occasionally switches the auto-playing music on his homepage from Justin Timberlake’s “SexyBack” to Europe’s “The Final Countdown” depending on his mood.
He is very, very proud of his website.
Dwight Schrute
Dwight’s website can best be described as brutal Amish futurism. Dwight operates his dentistry business alongside his farm and a charming bed & breakfast. He offers dental cleanings in the barn as a popular tourist attraction.
Dwight takes cyber security very seriously. To schedule an appointment, you must take a loyalty oath and sign a form that says you solemnly swear to never lie about flossing. He has a dentistry blog, but it’s mostly just dubious claims about the benefits of beets for oral health. Every service page is password-protected with a different mythical creature.
The only decoration in his waiting room is a poster that says, “If you want a dentist who’s soft, go somewhere else. If you want a dentist who’s ready for anything, welcome to the war on plaque.”
Stanley Hudson
Stanley’s website is minimalist and barely functioning. It exudes deep apathy and the faintest trace of professionalism. He hasn’t looked at it in at least two years, and when asked whether it’s still up to date, he says, “I don’t know, ask my nephew,” and goes back to his Sudoku puzzle.
The services page is just a single sentence: “You know what dentists do.” The calendar only allows you to schedule appointments every other Tuesday. The blog has one post from 2012 called, “Brush Your Teeth” and the comment section is turned off. He doesn’t even know what Google My Business is, nor does he care about what SEO stands for.
Kelly Kapoor
Kelly’s site is literally the cutest dental website you’ve ever seen. Kelly’s approach to dental web design is the same as her approach to her early 2000s MySpace page. Her home page is...well, it’s mostly just about her.
Kelly’s website uses curly fonts that are hard to read but she doesn’t care because they’re pretty. She has a blog that only vaguely touches on dentistry and mostly covers celebrity gossip and pretty much every thought that pops into her head. There are a lot of dating rants.
Ryan Howard
No one is really sure if Ryan is a dentist or some kind of oral crypto NFT bro, but either way, this is not just a dental website. It’s a brand experience that cost $20,000 to build and somehow manages to be completely useless.
Ryan’s “About” page is just his own name followed by a black-and-white headshot looking off into the distance wearing a hoodie and AirPods. The service pages are only more confusing, featuring text that says, “Scaling orla wellness through agile decentralization,” and “Dental synergy, but vertical,” and “Your smile, now on the blockchain.”
Ryan keeps sending out marketing emails hinting at this Q4 launch of something called DentalCloud Beta and inviting readers to get early access to a pre-seed funding round.
Angela Martin
Angela Martin is a cat dentist, and THAT IS ALL. Her website is minimalist and yet somehow suffocatingly judgmental. She has photos of cats getting their teeth brushed, but there is no whimsy in the images, just rigid dental compliance and morals.
Angela is deeply annoyed that people don’t seem to grasp that she’s not a veterinarian and she doesn’t treat humans. She can often be heard on the phone of her practice yelling, “No! I am a feline dental specialist, what is so hard to understand about that?”
Angela uses the words “decency standards” in a lot of her dental copy. She has an expanded FAQ where a patient asks, “What if my cat has dental anxiety?” Her answer says, “I’m sure Jonah had anxiety too and God still sent the whale.”
Creed Bratton
Creed’s dental website looks like someone just opened a word document on his computer and gave him free rein, which is exactly what happened. At least half of the website is legally dubious and the other half might be referencing various conspiracy theories, but no one is really sure. Nothing makes sense, everything is suspicious, and somehow it still ranks on page one of Google.
Some of the links on the website redirect to a random Russian jazz blog. the SEO metadata includes the words “teeth,” squid farming,” and “crime.” The “Contact” button leads to a download of Creed’s resume and a recipe for goulash. His business card says, “Creed Bratton, Teeth Guy.”
See, Wasn’t That Worth It?
In conclusion, the leadership team at My Social Practice would like to formally apologize. Not for the content of this post, which is objectively wonderful, but for letting me anywhere near the blog login page unsupervised. It’s too late to take it back, which is exactly what I told them when they pulled me aside to tell me I’m still not allowed to design dental logos for clients. (You make one Dr. Velociraptor logo and everyone loses their minds. 🙄)
They would also like me to reiterate that actual dental websites designed by our team do not include chili spills, questionable appointment forms, or flaming skull GIFs. Usually.
If you do want a beautiful, high-performing dental website made by professionals (and not Creed), we’re here to help. And if you just came for the nonsense…same time, next post? Next week’s lineup is a real banger.
Can’t wait until then? Revisit more fun dental marketing blog posts below:
Call Annie AI: Frequently Asked Questions About the AI Dental Receptionist and Maybe Hobbits
Our Writer Tries Dental Logo Design for Famous Brands and You Won’t Believe the Results!!
I Watched a Bunch of Old Toothpaste Commercials and Ranked Them During Work Hours
TV and Film’s Sexiest Dentists Ranked by Very Qualified Experts
Frequently Asked Questions
Why didn't you include my favorite character from The Office?
Listen, there are only so many websites I can design in one week. I’m not a real dental web designer. Do you know what that means? It means I spent at least 80% of my work time on this post watching YouTube videos of how to make gifs auto-play and Googling things like, “Why can’t I copy this thingy and paste it in another thingy on website?”
Why doesn't anyone take your really good ideas seriously?
I suspect it’s because I’m being tested. Next time, I intend to prepare an in-depth slide deck and it will look really good because of all the design skills I learned while designing Kelly Kapoor’s homepage. The Office dental websites are a done deal, but I’m sure my next big idea will command like, a lot of respect.
Can I use your design for my dental website?
Yes. In fact, you should. Will you become a slacker, loser, wise-ass like Jim or will you join the Dwight Army of Champions?
Do you need to be liked?
Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.
About the Author: Megan Nielsen is an SEO strategist and the Grand Overlord of copywriting at My Social Practice. My Social Practice is a dental marketing company that offers a full suite of dental marketing services to thousands of dental practices throughout the United States and Canada.
